Chasing Paradise Read online

  Staring down at her, he waited for a response. She didn’t appear to have heard him. Her hands were fisted in his hair, her head thrown back, exposing her throat to his wandering mouth. A desperate moan escaped and she pulled on his hair when his hips stopped moving.

  “Gwen. Who do you belong to?”

  “You,” The admission burst from her on a sob. “I belong to you. Please make me yours.”

  It was exactly what Ethan needed to hear. Giving his wolf free reign, he licked her neck just above her shoulder. The spot would perfectly display his mark of possession. Ethan bit down hard, sinking his canines into her flesh and releasing the enzyme that would bind her to him for all time. The link began to form, uniting them as one. He could actually feel it, their souls weaving together. There were no words.

  Mate, his wolf whispered in his mind right before his world exploded into a blaze of colors and sounds. His body shuddered at the onslaught of sensations.

  Through the haze of pleasure, he felt Gwen clench around him. Her cries of release tangled with his, echoing throughout the room.

  Finally, Gwen was his. No one could stand in his way or deny she belonged only to him. Tranquility swamped him. All was right in the world, as long as Gwen was in his arms. He nuzzled her sweat-soaked hair and kissed her temple. He couldn’t wait for his family to meet her. His mate.

  * * * *

  What had she done? Leaning against the wall, surrounded by Ethan’s warmth, by his scent, Gwen struggled to push down the panic bubbling to the surface. All she wanted to do was burrow against him, to take comfort in his embrace. Instead she silently cursed herself and her otter. Her shoulder throbbed where he’d bitten her. No, not just bitten her. Where he mated with her. And God, she’d never felt anything like it. Never experienced pleasure like that before. It was as if her very soul had exploded, and reformed intertwined with Ethan. And therein lay the problem.

  Lost in passion, Gwen hadn’t even considered the consequences. Had never imagined it would go this far.

  Now it was done and all she could do was curse herself. If she had one damn ounce of willpower, maybe she wouldn’t find herself mated to the one man capable of causing her irrevocable despair. Would he regret his decision now that it was too late to change it? Stupid question. Of course he would. Every word she’d heard him utter in the bar came back to haunt her. Just her luck, stuck with a mate who didn’t want her.

  Reaching out, Gwen felt her tie to Ethan thrumming through her veins, his very presence pulling at her from the inside out. But mated or not, it didn’t change the facts. She knew the truth. Knew how Ethan felt about her. Being mated didn’t change anything.

  She’d tried her hardest to save them both from this fate. Yet, here she was, mated to a man who didn’t think she was good enough for him. Who didn’t think her otter was good enough for his wolf.

  Some part of him must have thought she was good enough. A shifter’s animal sought out their perfect match. But the human had their own thoughts and feelings separate from its beast. And this human didn’t want her. He’d already made that perfectly clear, whether he knew she’d heard or not.

  The more she thought about it, the more Gwen’s spirits sunk. She wanted to cry, to wail at Fate. It just wasn’t fair. Why was she always the odd one out? The one who didn’t belong. Why was it her mate who didn’t want her?

  * * * *

  Sensing Gwen’s retreat after such mind blowing pleasure cut a path through Ethan’s happiness. Pressed up against the wall and his body, he felt her physically and mentally withdraw from him. The wrench on their bond as she pulled away was downright painful.

  What had happened? First, she had run and now, after sharing so much, she shut him out. All he wanted to do was strip out of his clothes and cuddle her warm body, but he knew without having to ask, it wouldn’t be welcome. How had things gotten so complicated?

  Yesterday, Gwen had been warm, eager to please and be pleased. After their lovemaking, she had curled her body into his, arms wrapped around him. Today, her body fairly shook with distress and the need to retreat. Her small mewl of grief had his wolf rearing up. He swallowed the growl before it could escape, compelled to protect her from the cause of her misery. But how could he protect her against something he couldn’t see?

  “Gwen, we need to talk.” He felt a shudder work through her system and cringed. That wasn’t a shiver of desire but one of distaste. Whatever had happened, it was bad. Nothing about this was going to be pleasant. But it had to happen.

  All he wanted to do was tell her about his life in Alpine Woods, about his pack, and the house he hoped they would fill with children and laughter. Instead, he was faced with trying to determine what had gone so wrong in their relationship. And finding a way to fix it.

  “Okay.” She seemed so vulnerable, her head bent back, avoiding his gaze. Looking down, he saw her nude body still surrounded by his almost fully dressed one. Of course she felt vulnerable. This wasn’t the way to have this discussion. They needed to be on equal ground if they were going to solve anything.

  “Why don’t you get dressed and I’ll take you out to dinner? I haven’t eaten much all day.” As soon as the words left Ethan’s mouth, he remembered why he hadn’t eaten and his anger and pain surged forward. “Why, Gwen? Why did you leave me?”

  * * * *

  Left him? Yes, Gwen had run away physically, but Ethan had run away emotionally before she had.

  If Ethan thought she was the kind of mate who would wait around until he wanted to acknowledge her, he was in for a big surprise. Her otter might not have enough strength to hold back from the wolf who didn’t think she was good enough, but the woman sure as hell had enough pride to withhold herself from the man who didn’t want her.

  “I didn’t ‘leave you,’ Ethan. I didn’t have you to begin with. I went on a vacation. I’m allowed to do something for myself, you know. It’s not always about what you want and need.”

  The words sounded harsh even to her. After all, the man had chased her across state lines. But she needed to get a few things straight. Ethan might not want her, but it wasn’t always about him and his wants. If they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, Gwen needed him to know she wasn’t going to be stuffed into a corner like a toy he pulled out when he wanted to play. Gwen had needs, wants, and desires too. If he didn’t care enough to seek them, she’d make sure he listened. She was used to taking care of herself anyway.

  “Easy, honey. Of course you’re allowed to do something for yourself.” His voice soothed her rough edges as his hand caressed her thigh. Things could be worse. He might not love her, but at least Ethan was kind. Many women weren’t so lucky. In her heart, she knew he would never intentionally hurt her. Everything had happened so fast. There was no time to brace herself, to wrap her head around her new situation.

  Breathing deeply, Gwen tried to settle her nerves and get some perspective. Life had dealt her a tricky hand, but she was a strong woman. She’d take it and make do the best she could. After all, she still had her family and friends, a job she loved, and hopefully the future would bring children to spoil. The thought of children brought an ache to her chest. More than anything, Gwen craved children of her own.

  “I’m sorry, Ethan. I didn’t mean to sound so defensive.” Gwen sighed. She needed to stop taking everything so personally. If she didn’t stop jumping down his throat all the time, they would be forever at odds.

  * * * *

  Her apology touched him. Here was a woman who wasn’t afraid to admit her faults. Touching his forehead against his mate’s and cupping her cheek, Ethan vowed to be just as brave in admitting his faults. If only she’d tell him what they were.

  Through the bond they now shared, he experienced the turmoil within her as if it was his own. He wished he could set her at ease. Women had never puzzled him before. Never had he struggled to figure out what to say or do. Yet he found himself scrambling with the one woman who mattered most. If only he could get he
r to Alpine Woods, he would make things better. His family would help him show her how perfectly matched they were for each other.

  “It’s okay. Come on down when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.”

  Chapter 5

  Disbelief and shock stole the words from Gwen’s mouth. All she could do was stare at Ethan across the kitchen table as he continued to talk, seemingly oblivious to her devastation. He couldn’t be serious. Yet she knew he was. He intended to move her to his home, in Colorado. Away from everything she knew. She’d have to leave her romp, her home, her friends and family who she’d been counting on to help her adjust to her new circumstances.

  And giving up her job! Her work meant the world to her. It defined her. She’d worked her butt off to rise to management level, all for nothing. Did he just expect her to drop everything?

  As he continued to elaborate on his plans, Gwen realized how pointless arguing would be. He was an officer in his pack, a position he claimed held almost as much power as the Premier, and owned a business with his brothers. There was no way he would completely change his life, especially not for a mate he didn’t even want to begin with. This wasn’t fair. Why did she have to be the one to give up everything? She was important to her pack, too. But the answer came to her before she could voice the question.

  As much as Gwen liked to think she’d be fine without Ethan, that they could live completely separate lives, she knew her otter would slowly wither away without her mate. Her hands were tied as much as his had been in claiming her. She needed Ethan more than she needed her job and her family. One of them had to give up everything, and it appeared Ethan had no plans to give up his life. The insensitive alpha was as necessary to her as food or sleep.

  Dejectedly, Gwen began planning her move. She’d need a couple days at the resort before leaving them. Her assistant manager was capable, but not ready to take over completely. She’d need at least a week to bring him up to speed.

  Moving her possessions wouldn’t be a problem. Most of her furniture belonged to the hotel. Living at the resort her whole life had allowed her to bank most of her weekly paycheck. Lucky for her, she was currently sitting on quite a nest egg for anything she might need to replace.

  A hazy idea began to form in her mind. A crazy idea. She’d never be able to pull it off. But, the possibility appealed to every side of her. Maybe she could do it if she got help. In fact, if it worked she could gain back some of what she was losing. Of course, she’d need to see the town first, to confirm her idea was possible, but she saw no reason to completely abandon the work she loved. If the town was anything like what Ethan described, a bed-and-breakfast might prove to be a very successful endeavor.

  A B&B would certainly be different from the huge resort she managed, but it had potential to be even better. It would allow her more hands-on interaction with her guests, something she missed in her current job. This could give her life purpose, a bright spot in the future.

  Everything else was manageable. She’d find a nearby lake to swim in. As long as there was some source of water, she’d be fine. And if she could, she’d take her most important friend with her. She could make this work.

  * * * *

  Nothing about Gwen was quite what he expected. The gap between them stood out like a sore thumb and he had no idea how to mend it.

  As soon as Ethan had begun talking about his plans to move Gwen home, she’d looked at him with something akin to horror. He tried to assuage her fears by telling her all the things he loved about Alpine Woods, but the more he talked the more upset she became. He grew desperate when he caught the tears in her eyes. The last thing he wanted was to make her unhappy. So he started telling her about the nearby lakes and his favorite fishing spots. Granted he always fished with a pole, but however she wanted to do it was fine by him.

  Then suddenly, almost as suddenly as it had appeared, her depression flew away and she seemed excited, almost giddy. What could possibly be going through her head?

  At least now she appeared happy. Her depression had made him fear he’d have to do something drastic. Leaving his home wasn’t anything he ever wanted to do, but if Gwen was unhappy there, his hands would be tied. He’d do whatever it took to keep his mate happy, no matter what it entailed.

  Reaching out with the bond between them, Ethan tried to gain a deeper understanding of her emotions. He barely skimmed the edges of her mind before running into her block. Most mates were connected on multiple levels, having an eerie connection that let each know what the other was thinking, but Gwen held him at arm’s length.

  If only he knew why she had erected this barrier between them and why she refused, even now, to take it down. Always before, he’d been able to charm women out of information--and clothes--but with Gwen he felt like an awkward teenager. He couldn’t seem to say anything right.

  “I need to go back to California for a week or so. Get my affairs in order and make sure the romp is taken care of.”

  “Of course. We can head there first.”

  “I think it might be best if I go alone.” Her whispered words hung heavily in the air. “I’m going to be working, not playing. Besides, it will give us both a bit of time to think and you time to explain the situation to your family before I arrive.”

  “What’s to explain? They’re going to love you.” Ethan flashed Gwen his most charming smile, the one he knew women swooned over, only to see her eyes narrow warily. It should frustrate him that she didn’t fall for his tricks, but for some odd reason, a wave of heat swept over him. But his desire fled when she spoke. The hard edge in her voice shocked him.

  “I don’t want to hear over and over again about how an otter isn’t good enough for you. Just make sure it’s out of their system by the time I get there.”

  Stunned, Ethan didn’t know how to respond. Was this the root of their problems? Gwen didn’t think she was good enough for him? Samantha, his brother’s mate, hadn’t believed his brother Jason would love an arctic fox, but her fears originated from her past. Gwen was the exact opposite. For Christ’s sake, she managed her entire romp. Two different people had threatened him just for trying to get close to her. She was loved and respected.

  There’d been that moment when they’d first made love when insecurities had reared up, but he’d done his best to rid her of doubts. He’d thought he succeeded too, judging by the way she was prancing in front of him naked as the day she was born later that night.

  “Gwen, my family would never judge you. They’re going to love you because you’re smart and funny and beautiful.” Why didn’t Gwen realize what a catch she was?

  Harsh laughter interrupted him. “You don’t need to convince me. You need to convince them.” Gwen shrugged before continuing. “Plenty of breeds are elitists. I just don’t want to have to hear about how much better you could’ve done with someone different.”

  * * * *

  No matter what Ethan said, his prejudices came from somewhere. Family seemed like the obvious choice. Being criticized for the rest of her life didn’t interest her one bit. Moving away from her home was going to be hard enough. She didn’t need to hear recriminations upon her arrival. Asking Ethan to act as a buffer was a perfectly reasonable request.

  Later, Gwen apologized and said goodbye to Ty, who had heard everything and wasn’t above teasing her about it, much to Gwen’s embarrassment. Some things went with the territory of old friends. After Gwen and Ethan had re-packed her belongings, they took off for the airport.

  It took some convincing, but Ethan finally agreed to separate. She thought she had needed time to adjust, but the farther she got from Ethan, the more she realized it was an empty victory. Almost as soon as she’d boarded the plane, her otter cried out, desperate for its wolf. The restless feeling continued throughout the flight, amplifying until she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. The more unpleasant the feeling became the more confused she got.

  What had she been thinking to leave him again? The first time had been bad enough,
and they hadn’t even been mated at the time. Now it was downright unbearable.

  She had to constantly remind herself of her reasons. Time. She’d thought the time away would clear her head. God knew it wasn’t clear when he was around. But as more time passed, she realized how futile her efforts were. There was no way she was going to clear her head with her otter crying so loudly for her mate, pulling her back toward him until she felt as if she were split in two.

  Chapter 6

  Looking around her boxed-up hotel room, Gwen wasn’t sure what to feel. Her emotions swirled around her in a confusing mass. It was nice to be home, even if it was only her home for a few more days. Still…she missed her mate. Just thinking of him brought a sharp pain to her heart. But being surrounded by people she loved and who loved her in return felt like a warm blanket shielding her from reality. Love. The word mocked her as she thought about her future without that particular joy.

  Stop it! Stop feeling sorry for yourself. She was being overly dramatic and she knew it. Things would be fine. Alyssa would be with her, having already agreed to move and help her open her business. Her exact words had been: “What, are you crazy? Be a waitress my whole life and be hundreds of miles from my best friend, who’s like a sister to me, or be part owner of a B&B with said best friend? Gee, tough choice.”

  Alyssa would keep her sane. They would look out for each other. Because that’s what sisters did, even when they weren’t related by blood. And hopefully there would be children to love. Even though children were possible outside mating, for a shifter, it was easier with their “one and only.” She’d never dared dream of children before. But now…they hadn’t used a condom. For all she knew she could already be pregnant. She smiled thinking about the possibility.

  Hopefully, one day, she’d be able to surround herself with pups and she wouldn’t even notice Ethan’s lack of love. Wolf, otter, or something in between, the species of her children wouldn’t matter. She would love them all exactly the same. She only hoped Ethan’s prejudices wouldn’t extend toward his offspring. While she could take the pain of his rejection, she’d put her foot down when it came to her children. Nothing would make her future children feel anything but special, not even their own father. Especially not their own father.