Chasing Paradise Page 8

  “I wish I could forget those words too, Ethan. But the fact is, I can’t. I don’t blame you for them and I’m not angry…well, not anymore. I was. I was so angry with you for thinking I wasn’t good enough because, damn it--” Gwen slammed her hand down on the table, causing the silverware to jump with a clatter. “I am good enough and I deserve a mate who wants me.” Gwen paused, taking a moment to collect herself. “But I do believe you said what you said for a reason. I can’t just pretend that reason doesn’t exist. I won’t set myself up for a fall like that.”

  Gwen hoped Ethan understood. She wasn’t trying to make things tense between them, and she wasn’t trying to be difficult. Already, Ethan had given her more than she’d ever expected out of this union. Inadvertently, he’d also given her a new direction in life with the B&B, a direction she was looking forward to pursuing. But she couldn’t just forget what had happened. She couldn’t ignore the so-called elephant in their relationship.

  It wasn’t just about holding on to her hurt. It was about protecting herself. Protecting her heart. Ethan had more power than he realized.

  After their first night together, Gwen had honestly believed she was falling in love with him. Maybe it was naive after only one night together, but he was her mate, after all.

  Hearing his words in the bar afterward had been a blow, not just to her pride, but to her heart. If she let herself pretend those words never existed, she’d be setting herself up for an even bigger fall. And that was something she couldn’t do. She wouldn’t survive another fall.

  Hopefully Ethan understood. She didn’t blame him for his feelings. But she couldn’t allow herself to forget.

  * * * *

  Ethan stared at the top of Gwen’s head as she pushed the food around her plate. Her dejected pose tore at him. He didn’t blame her for her feelings. Learning to trust him again wasn’t something she could will herself to do. Trust had to be earned.

  Whatever it took to take away those careless words, he’d do and more. He’d fix this and after he had, he’d make sure she never doubted exactly how important she was to him again.

  “It’s okay, Gwen. I understand.” Her head shot up, her surprised gaze meeting his. “Doesn’t mean I’m not going to do everything in my power to change it.” Ethan sent her a dazzling and slightly wicked grin. The tentative smile that curved her lips lightened his soul.

  Picking up his fork, Ethan dug into his dinner, hoping she would follow suit. Silence reigned until Gwen’s soft voice drifted toward him. “It’s this beautiful gray Victorian house. There’s a creek running through the backyard that feeds into a pond. It’s smaller than the ocean but large enough to put some live fish in for hunting, and the whole yard is surrounded by forests.”

  Joy lit up in Gwen’s face as she described the house. Her pleasure in the inn was obvious, and for just a moment, Ethan’s jealousy soared. He shook his head. Jealous of a house, he never thought he’d see the day.

  “There’s this one room inside the turret. The room is circular with windows on every wall, everywhere you look. In the morning, the sun will flood into the whole room and already I can picture pale, cream-colored walls with a bold canopy bed in green or maybe chocolate brown. There’s life in every room, a vision for every space.”

  Her eyes shone. Her pleasure made her come alive with every word. This was her gift to him, he realized. Opening up and showing him this little piece of her heart. It wasn’t much, but it indicated a crack in the wall between them. He’d work on that crack until the whole wall collapsed.

  “It sounds perfect,” Her smile widened at his honest reply and his chest swelled. Bringing her pleasure made him feel ten feet tall.

  “It is. We’ll get it. We’ll pay full price if we need to, but we low-balled them. I want to see how low the seller is willing to go. There’s not a big market for a house that size.”

  Sitting was suddenly very uncomfortable as he stiffened under the table. Hearing Gwen’s savvy businesswoman come out was a powerful aphrodisiac apparently. Who knew what a turn on a woman with a brain would be for him? He glanced down at her half-eaten dinner. He really should let her finish before dragging her upstairs for dessert.

  Gwen stared blankly into his eyes for a moment before pushing her plate aside, standing, and very deliberately crossing to the doorway into the living room. Had he said something wrong? At the doorway, she turned around and glanced back at him.

  “Are you coming?” she asked, a sparkle in her eyes.

  “Coming where?”

  In answer, Gwen deliberately untied her bathrobe and let it slide to the floor.

  “Where that look on your face promised to take us both.”

  Ethan stared for a moment at her retreating back, unable to believe this was the same woman who’d asked him to turn off the lights the first time they made love.

  As her feet hit the first stair on her way to their bedroom, Ethan shot out of his chair and raced to her, swinging her into his arms. She squealed and giggled, her arms wrapping around his neck as he carried her up the stairs and into bed.

  Chapter 9

  Gwen looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Even though Ethan had more than proven he loved her body over the past couple weeks, she still thought she could stand to lose a few pounds. Although if they kept up the bedroom gymnastics they’d been doing, it wouldn’t be too hard. Still, the outfit was hot. She never would have picked out the corseted teddy look, but the sales woman had shoved it into the fitting room for her to try on. It would have been rude not to at least look at it. The results were surprising to say the least.

  Another trip to that store was definitely in order if tonight went well. Gwen turned around, examining the back side. In reality, the corset didn’t really support all that much. There wasn’t enough cloth for that. But the illusion of support and the strategic peeks of flesh were damn sexy. The transformation downright stunned her. She hardly recognized the woman in the mirror, or that wicked smile sporting her lips.

  The kitchen timer going off startled her. Here she was woolgathering when she needed to get downstairs and finish dinner. Ethan would be home any minute and she wanted everything to be perfect. The past couple weeks had been better than she could have dreamed. Ethan had been treating her like a queen. And while she loved the attention he paid her, she was beginning to feel a bit…selfish. He was always cooking her meals, watching movies she wanted to watch, and making her laugh. Well, it was time to repay the favor. The whole night would be all about him.

  Gwen had gotten the recipe for one of his favorite meals from his mother. She’d even rented one of those action movies with no plot but with lots of explosions and fighting. And of course, there was the outfit. But it wouldn’t do any good to burn the meal. Leaving the bathroom, she hurried down the stairs and walked quickly into the kitchen. She’d barely passed the archway that separated the room from the rest of the house, when Ethan walked through the door at the side of the room leading to the garage. They both froze, staring at each other across the room. Ethan’s hand hovered over the counter, clutching the mail in a fist.

  Clearing her throat and pushing down her nerves, Gwen chirped, “Hi, honey. Welcome home.” If only she could read his expression, she wouldn’t be so nervous. But he remained silent, his assessing eyes raking her form. Maybe this had been a horrible idea.

  Just as she turned, ready to rush up the stairs and forget this whole bad idea had ever come to her, Ethan pounced. Leaping across the room, he spun her around, and took her mouth in a consuming kiss. Heat blasted through her, melting her bones until her legs gave out on her.

  Without missing a beat, Ethan swept her into his arms as if she weighed nothing at all. If someone had asked her a month ago what type of mate she hoped for, she would have chosen a fellow otter, maybe some other small creature. Wolf would never have crossed her mind. Boy was she glad Fate had taken matters out of her hands. Being around Ethan made her feel dainty and feminine. Like a woman, without the business al
ways in front.

  Jumping a little as her butt met the cold table top, Gwen giggled against Ethan’s lips. The laugh ended on a moan as he moved down her throat and across her chest. As the heat of his mouth blazed a trail along the lace edge on her breasts, she threw her head back, closing her eyes to savor every sensation.

  It wasn’t until she’d heard the rip that she’d realized Ethan had ruined yet another of her outfits. The third this week. Her eyes popped open and she looked down at the shredded material. He had a bad habit of using his claws on her poor clothes.

  “Damn it, Ethan. I just bought that nightie!” It hadn’t been cheap, either. Not to mention the way it looked on her or the way it made her feel like a sex goddess. She’d never been obsessed with lingerie before. Didn’t see much point since it had to be taken off before the good stuff started. But the more she wore it, the more she liked it. Liked the power she felt when she put on something lacy.

  But she wasn’t going to keep throwing money away if Ethan kept insisting on ruining her outfits every time she wore one. Ethan didn’t seem the least deterred by her exclamation, lifting his mouth from her breast and skimming up to nibble on her ear.

  “If you keep ripping my clothes, I’m not going to have anything left to wear,” Gwen managed to gasp as his tongue circled the rim of her ear, dipping into the crevice. Stringing words into coherent sentences was becoming harder and harder as the fire his hands and mouth lit inside her blazed higher.

  “I like you best naked anyway.” She didn’t know when Ethan had learned how to talk while nibbling and sucking with his mouth at the same time, but she was extremely grateful for the talent.

  “Although I must say, this get-up is a very close second to naked. I’m going to buy you ten just like it and rip them all off anytime you wear them.” The raspy words, as well as the roguish smile on his face as he raised his head to look in her eyes, made her chuckle. She loved that he made her laugh, even in the middle of sex. Loved that he didn’t take sex too seriously. She loved everything he did…

  The breath stuck in her throat as the world around them froze. Love. She loved him. Dear God, what had she done. Tears filled her eyes as she considered the implications. She’d gone and done the one thing she told herself she could never do, fallen in love with the man.

  A strong tug on her jaw forced her to look at Ethan. His eyes burned into her, filled with concern. His thumb brushed away a tear on her cheek.

  “Gwen? Are you okay?” She stared into his concerned eyes and watched as the wolf in them slowly retreated in the face of her tears. She forced a smile and shook her head. Tonight was supposed to be for Ethan. There’d be plenty of time later to analyze her feelings for Ethan.

  “I’m fine. Must be the onions from earlier.” He looked skeptical until she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him down for a brief kiss.

  “Jeez, don’t scare me like that.” Ethan murmured, sweeping a lock of hair behind her ear. His concern for her was apparent in every line of his face. He wouldn’t be this worried if he didn’t feel something for her, right? Something beyond mere liking. Maybe he didn’t love her yet, but the look on his face didn’t match up with the scorn in his previous words.

  For the first time, a spark of hope flared to life in Gwen’s heart. Maybe a future with Ethan wasn’t as bleak as she’d originally feared. Reaching up, Gwen traced his bone structure with his face, adoring the man in front of her. The eyes that met hers as the lids slowly rose were full of devotion.

  “Make love to me Ethan,” she whispered. For a moment, she was afraid he would ask questions she wasn’t ready to answer. But either he sensed her need for time, or his beast, demanding they finish what they started, overpowered his curiosity.

  This time, when his lips brushed against hers, the greedy passion had simmered into a slow burn. The tenderness in his hands and lips took her breath away and brought tears to her eyes. Eventually she’d have to sort out her new emotions. There were more important things to concentrate on at the moment. Like the wicked things he was doing with his hands. There’d be time to contemplate what loving Ethan entailed later.

  *****

  Conflicting emotions whirled through Gwen’s head as she paced inside the entrance of the house she and Alyssa had recently purchased for their B&B. Everything was falling into place as far as the inn was concerned. But her relationship with Ethan was a whole different story. It had been almost a month since she’d admitted what she’d overheard at the resort, a week and a half since realizing she loved him, and she didn’t know what to believe anymore.

  She’d accepted in the beginning that Ethan didn’t love her, that he didn’t want her. Had come to terms with it and made her peace, even taken steps for her future, to keep herself happy and occupied. But lately everything had changed. She loved him. And as her feelings grew, so did her doubts about everything she’d heard at the bar that morning.

  It wasn’t just that he was attentive. If she only read kindness in his actions, she would brush it off as sympathy. But it was so much more than that. He’d not only been taking her out on dates, but kept doing thoughtful little things for her, anticipating her desires before she could voice them. Like this morning. She’d woken up to the smell of coffee and hot cheesy eggs, a favorite of hers, as he brought her breakfast in bed. He’d even fixed her coffee just the way she liked it.

  How the man kept figuring out her favorite things was a mystery she fully intended to get to the bottom of. A single red rose had been placed on the side of the tray. It was the kind of thing Gwen would’ve hoped for in a love match, certainly not a match of convenience. Or whatever her relationship with Ethan was.

  It wasn’t just breakfast in bed, but the way he looked at her, as if she was the most precious thing in the world. Her blissful sigh filled the air. Just thinking about that look made heat pool in her belly.

  And the sex. Jesus, the sex was absolutely unreal. Gwen never thought she had such a vamp in her. With Ethan she simply couldn’t help it. All he had to do was smile at her, and she pounced on him, tearing his clothes off.

  Not that he was a paragon of self-control, either. If he didn’t quit using his claws on her poor clothes, she was going to start billing him for the damages. Although that would probably just fire him up, she thought with a chuckle..

  For someone who had always found sex pleasant but not anything mind-blowing, the way Ethan drew out her pleasure amazed her. He knew exactly how to play her body, bombarding her with sensation after sensation until she was quivering with need. Not to mention, the man had incredible stamina. Much to her surprise, he usually managed to get her off more than once each night. Each and every night.

  She hadn’t anticipated how good her sex life would be. Nor had she anticipated how hard she would’ve fallen for him. She had been so sure she could separate her emotions from the situation, that she was strong enough to resist his charm. After all, she knew her worth. Knew she deserved someone who loved her and who saw her for the incredible and strong woman she was.

  Yet, that was exactly how Ethan made her feel. There was more there than mere heat. He acted like someone who loved her. Ever since that night when she realized she loved him, their lovemaking had changed into something different. Sure, he still pushed her up against the bathroom wall every now and again. But more often than not, he didn’t just screw her, he made love to her. Treated her with tender consideration. And every night, he asked her about the inn and seemed genuinely interested in her life.

  Maybe she hadn’t really given Ethan a fair chance. A shifter couldn’t prepare before meeting their mate. There were no signs to signal their impending arrival.

  It’s not like she’d been expecting her mate to walk through the doors at the resort. And yes, she had been thrilled when Ethan appeared. Of course she’s been happy. She had wanted to find her mate. Ethan hadn’t. It made sense that he would be a bit freaked out by the whole situation. She hadn’t really looked at this from his point of view
.

  Everything happened so fast. If Samantha was to be believed, and Gwen saw no reason for her to lie, Ethan had taken the vacation to escape being trapped into mating. Instead he’d smacked right into his true mate. His behavior made absolute sense. And considering his behavior since then…

  “What has you so deep in thought?” Alyssa walked through the front door, Samantha in tow.

  Gwen felt her face heat in a blush. “Uh…Ethan.” Both women laughed.

  “Are you blushing? Never mind, I’m living through the first blush of mating myself so I know exactly what that thought was.” Samantha smiled at Gwen, her eyes shining mischievously.

  Gwen still had a hard time believing how welcoming and helpful Ethan’s family had been. All of them had stopped by the B&B and offered to help. One Saturday when Alyssa and Gwen had planned to spend the day painting, the whole group had shown up, Ethan and his brothers loaded down with enough pizzas to feed a small village. The amount of food had seemed outrageous, but the need for it had become clear as other members of the pack had started to arrive. Almost everyone in the pack, human and wolf, had stopped by and volunteered.

  Gwen shook off the memory, and focused back on the two women in front of her. Samantha wore a blush, probably remembering some of the more wicked encounters she and Jason had shared as new mates.

  “Well, I don’t have a mate. I’m living vicariously through you, so spill.” Alyssa said, an impish smile curving her lips.

  Looking at Alyssa, more like a sister to her than a best friend, the desire to tell her everything, to lay her burden down for a minute and let someone else carry the weight, rose up to choke her.

  She couldn’t figure this out on her own. There were too many angles to consider. She needed advice. And who better to give it to her than her best friend and Samantha, an arctic fox mated to a Premier wolf?

  “I don’t know what to do anymore,” she burst out. Both Samantha’s and Alyssa’s smiles faded into concern. Samantha hurried over, pulling her to the couch in the adjoining room.